The Halter That Wouldn't Go On: What Belle Taught Me About Unprocessed Grief

There's a moment in grief work with horses that I live for.

It's quiet. Almost unremarkable to anyone watching. But to the woman standing in the arena, it changes everything.

Today, I watched a woman walk confidently across the grass, halter in hand, and approach Belle, my wise, discerning mare who does not trust easily when it comes to being haltered.

Belle stood still. Soft. Present.

The woman slipped the halter on like they'd been doing this dance together for years.

But here's what made this moment extraordinary: for the last year, this same woman couldn't get near Belle. Belle would walk away. Turn her shoulder. Make it clear she wasn't ready.

And honestly? Neither was the woman.

Here's what most people believe about grief. The norm I see over and over again is this:

"Grief is something you get over."
"If I just stay busy enough, it won't hurt as much."
"I should be strong—I don't want to burden anyone."
"Talking about loss just makes it worse."

So we keep moving. We carry our backpacks of grief, packed with disappointments, betrayals, health diagnoses, relationship endings, identity shifts, dreams that didn't unfold the way we thought and we just keep walking.

Here's what that can lead to.  When we carry unprocessed grief, it shows up everywhere:

We feel disconnected from ourselves, from others, from what we actually want
We second-guess ourselves constantly
We shrink back instead of stepping forward
We lose trust in our own voice, our own knowing
Confidence erodes, bit by bit

And here's the thing: horses notice.

Belle noticed. She wouldn't let this woman close because the woman wasn't close to herself yet.

Here's what becomes possible when we process grief
This woman did the work.

She faced her struggles. She learned practical tools to journey from grief into growth. She used them. She practiced staying with what was true instead of rushing past it.

And something shifted.

She took on a new position helping others. She showed up differently, calmer, clearer, more grounded in who she is.

And today, Belle reflected that back to her.

When we use tools to process loss of any kind, we grow in our confidence, security, and strength.

The horses don't lie. They meet us exactly where we are and they celebrate with us when we've done the inner work to change.

My greatest joy in working with women and horses is witnessing the moment a women finds the courage to unload her backpack of grief.

Because here's the truth: women face so many kinds of loss over a lifetime.

Death, yes. But also divorce. Miscarriage. Empty nest. Chronic illness. Career loss. Friendship endings. The loss of who we thought we'd be by now.

And most of us were never taught how to process any of it.

I care about this work because I believe grief doesn't have to be something we carry alone. And I believe horses can teach us, gently, honestly, powerfully, how to be open, vulnerable, and strong enough to grow through our grief instead of around it.

If you would like to find out more about Transforming Grief into Growth, connect with us at Stronger Life Connections.